Meta-shame

Super Call of Duty 7: Black ops. (Or simply “Blops” as it has been re-branded by the masses) lays down an intimidating number of meta-games beneath the standard variety of shoot-guys-in-the-face-to-victory game types. 

Layered like a violent and annually exploitable onion.

Blops meta-game list: (The kids love lists)

• The CoD-standard (and still oddly backwards feeling) character leveling. 
• The Perk levelling within the character leveling.
• The “kill 5/10/25/50 of those things that way” micro-achievement challenges. 
• The not-quite-gambling-honest Contracts system, 
• The selection of vitally important lurid paint-jobs that all sane players will purchase for their weapons ASAP, 
• The customisable Killstreak rewards that completely dominate the play-style of the truly hardcore 
• and probably a more that I’m forgetting right now.
• I would check myself but my girlfriend is watching Animal Rescue and I can't use the xbox.

But despite all that extra stuff to play around with, I find myself obsessed with the most basic and pointless of online meta-games...

Revenge.

I place the blame for this squarely on the Kill-cam. Watching your death through the eyes of your killer makes things so much more personal than a simple "You were fragged by player 1" and it usually provides an instant and undeniable moment of “This is what you did wrong and this is what he did right. Ps. Try sucking less”

But in the jittery adrenal haze of an online battle to the death(s), the undeniable is easily ignored.
(The following example is true. Names have been changed to protect the innocent. Apart from xXx_Weedfolife_xXx. That guy is a dick)

xXx_Weedfolife_xXx : Shitlord.

TEAM DEATHMATCH.

“Alright. Let’s do this. I’ve got my zebra-print machine gun and I’m ready for action. Hmm, is that a guy in that window?-”

Kill-cam! Press X to respawn.  xXx_Weedfolife_xXx just shot you in the face in a casual fashion.

“Sniping little douche. Try using a real gun next time. Your rifle didn’t even have animal print on it or anything. But at least I know where you’re hiding you little-”

Kill-cam! Press X to respawn and hunt down xXx_Weedfolife_xXx who was ready for you to come running up the stairs like an idiot.

“Oh come on! that claymore mine was at least 6 foot away from my face. Not that it matters as I have you now- What the shit? I emptied an entire clip into that dicklord and he just turned around and shot me once!”

Kill-cam! Press X to respawn and this time try placing a few bullets into xXx_Weedfolife_xXx instead of just in his general direction.

“Whatever. I just need to turn my controller sensitivity up ..or maybe down, and then you don’t stand a chance- wait, is that a grenade?”

Kill-cam! Press X to respawn. Maybe you should try and kill one of the other 11 players on the opposing team? xXx_Weedfolife_xXx is triple prestiged member of the illustrious [BOOB] Clan and is way out of your league. Perhaps you should seek out PinkiePop1996(1) as he’s playing split-screen with his cousin for the first time ever and has only just figured out how to look up and down.

“Haha. Look at that noob running out in the open with the pistol. Easy Kil-”

Kill-cam! Press X to respawn. Oh wow. xXx_Weedfolife_xXx got you with a napalm strike? I think that was probably accidental. Seriously guy, let it go.

“But he hasn’t seen me this time! He’s too busy sniping those losers on my team. Now is my chance.”

Kill-cam! Press X to respawn. Congratulations. You were PinkiePop1996(1)’s first ever kill. The poor kid missed you three times while trying to knife you in the back but he got there in the end. I’m so proud.

YOUR TEAM LOST.
You have lost the battle but not the war and some other random patronising pearls of wisdom delivered to you in a terrible terrible Russian accent.

“This game is dicktits. My team is dicktits and xXx_Weedfolife_xXx is dickest of tits.”

+216 exp
LEVEL UP.

GUITAR RIFF.
NEW SUPER BADASS AWESOME FUTURE GUN UNLOCKED.

Nothing says 60s Cold War-era conflict
 like a gun that didn't get a stable prototype until the 80s
painted bright orange.

“Ooh! Tiger-stripes and an extra point of damage! Fuck yes, let’s do this!”