New Gaming Proletariat.

I'm not a healthy boy.
In fact, most of my teenage years were spent in the sort of sickly, bed-bound state that would normally be associated with the adolescence of an 18th century poet - One who, by the time he'd reached my age, would've married his 14 year old cousin contracted syphilis and died from injuries sustained from a duel with Earl of Wentworth over an argument about the correct way to clean a teapot.

But I was born in the 1980s, so instead of venting my frustrated imagination into vaguely sexual poems about rolling hills, I played on my Sega Megadrive and Super Nintendo.

And so this continued into my adult life.
When I need to recover from a particularly strenuous activity (such as standing up a bit too fast, thinking about leaving the house or putting my socks on) I while away way the hours from my bed fiddling with my various gaming systems.

And because of my particular (but not unusual) gaming habits, at least 90% of what Nintendo had to offer from their E3 presentation left me cold.
Other than Ninja Gaiden: Metroid
and Super Mario Galaxy 1.5
(both of which would've made fine Gamecube games),
Every single game and piece of clip-on plastic tat was aimed squarely at the "oh look Phillip, it's one of those fat training thingies" money-crapping new gaming proletariat


Of course, this sort of gaming has it's place outside of the 7 year old child/overweight housewife/pensioner demographic.. and that is at drunken house parties (something I fully endorse) but other than during these blurry events, Nintendo of 2009 is as dead and gone from my home gaming life as Sega or ye olde Atari.

And that would be sad enough, but watching Sony (eyetoy magic wand thingy), Microsoft (super future Eyetoy 360: turbo), Activision (Tony Hawk's wii fit board) and Electronic Arts (the surprisingly professional looking fitness game, EA Sports Active) at this years E3 all screaming "ME TOO!" while announcing plastic tat of their own aimed at this same demographic makes me at least a tiny bit worried about the future of my relaxed (but epic and engrossing) gaming sessions...

I'm probably being over-dramatic and paranoid,
(All joking aside, Project Natal in particular has potential to subtly augment traditional games in some very exciting ways)
But all I know for sure is this: The day I have to hold out my arms and shout HADOKEN to activate my fireball on street fighter 5 or 6 will be the best of times and the worst of times.



A tale of souls & Wii-motes, eternally retold